So -like- there are these skyscraper high robots fighting skyscraper big dinosaurs from outer space and they go WHAM!!!! and BOOM!!! and BANG!!! it's -like- totally cool yeah, awesome. The big robot, he goes CRASH into the monsterthingy, and the monsterthingy he totally esplodes the robot in return, thousands of ant sized people die underneath and then they all cheer for the hero. No, I am not describing the new Wong Kar-wai but Guillermo del Toro's “Pacific Rim”. Or “Rift”, even. “Pacific Rift”, yeah. (“Pacific Rim” is another -er-video I enjoyed recently).
Let's be frank (and I won't call you Shirley), “Pacific Rift” is the latest installment in the m.a.s.s.i.v.e. genre beloved of children and US Americans: it pummels you into sensory overload submission, ups the ante wayyy past the 11 level, redefines sensory surround sound, and will probably make a mockery of Michael Bay's pants. Move over “Thorrr the Magnificent – Revenge of the Never Forsaken”! Eat your heart out “SuperChromeZone – the Awakening”! “Pacific Rift” will unleash its megacracatosauruses vs. MechaGoldoCracks atcha like Flat Earth believers never happened!
You want non-blood? You goddit.
“Pacific Rift” dispenses swift justice on a cosmic scale that gleefully does away with any semblance of humanity. Take its father figure protagonist Captain MegaSerious for example (ahmygad, that's Idris Elba!!!), he's not a guide – he is a fountain of motivational speeches (“Ask not what a double espresso (easy on the latte) can do for you but for each UVAR”). Take the two rutting alpha male pilotists - you just know they will engage into a hard-on contest before you can say “superfractiliousmancitehisareligiousdictatorshipsportswhashingdisgrace (andsoisqatarsaintgermainfuckthemtoo)”, only to join forces in the third act.
As we woz saying, “Pacific Rift” pitches mankind against tectonic plate invading monsters or something. The downright treacherously evolving monsters appear to be winning ...but maybe just maybe all may not be lost thanks to a jolly bunch of testosteroidal grunts and a token gurrl, all of them coming complete with the mandatory establishing trauma sequence/leitmotiv (as in: guess what, each of them is haunted by an earlier event that scarred him/her for life). Also mandatory is the couple of wacky genius scientists (sorry: nerds in American parlance), one of whom may just happen to be English (“Terribleh sorreh old chap but would you awfulleh mind desynchronising the atomic debilitator before the damn thing blows us up to heaven, what? Splended!”).
Here are a few pesky details that spoiled my enjoyment, though.
To start with, the roaring emitted by the hammer head supersharks slash gorillas slash crocopterodactyls: this … doesn't make sense. Why would they sound like a vaguely dragonesque lion?? (This is in fact a point I already made twenty years ago re. Verhoeven's “Starship Storm Troopers”. For crying out loud, you give us horrifying giant insects and you make them... roar??? What da??!!?!! You missed an open goal here!)
Also, I was rather impressed by the fact the Jaegers (ie them big robots) could be airlifted by 6 or 8 helicopters. It begs the question: ...Just how gigantic must these copters be??
Another possible reservation (after a dozen others I can't be arsed to list) could be made about the creatures' look: they look a bit crap. OK, we are not talking “Predator” or “The Relic” here - but still. If I get it correctly, the idea was that the aliens sort of morph into the animals they encounter on their way up through the ocean; which makes great sense when they come across sharkoidesque - but slightly less when they look like a gorilla (and Loig adds: shame they didn't first meet Abella Danger taking a skinny dip wha ha ha ha!).
Butseriously. “Pacific Rift” is great craic. If you are tired of the usual intricate plots, chin scratching demonstrations of subtle psychology, elegant allusions, thought provoking metaphors and protestations of faith in their audience intelligence Hollywood is reputed for, you may want to grant it an idle eye. I mean, it's not as if that lot continually bombarded you with 2+ hour long stupefying assaults on your senses where most of the budget went to special effects and/or marketing is it? ...Is it?
So there.
“Pacific Rift” rocks.
“Pacific Rift” slays.
“Pacific Rift” makes for a refreshing change. All together now: Hur hur grunt! Enkulator systems are go! Engage decibeluppers maximum warp! This could be our very last chance if we are to be allowed another sequel! So go for it and let's kill the motherf(rest of the message edited to keep the certificate 12 rating)
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