"You Know Yourself -Taking Dublin
By The Balls"
a Dub based chicklit cheap lite compendium
of assorted bollix, improbabilities, misunderstandings and more generally
complete howlers courtesy of Uma O'Gil In Person.
"Another
victory for investigative journalism!"-Lily Monaghan
"I have respect for broadsheet journalists because they haven't succumbed to degrading themselves, to writing pidgin English with all these terrible colloquialisms, the phrasing of which is just, like, embarrassing" - Peaches Geldof (11 January 2009 in The Observer)
Please note: Any character or place mentioned in this book is entirely imaginary; any resemblance with a person living or dead or a genuine place would be like totally accidental, wholly fortuitous, and a fecking stroke of genius so.
"I have respect for broadsheet journalists because they haven't succumbed to degrading themselves, to writing pidgin English with all these terrible colloquialisms, the phrasing of which is just, like, embarrassing" - Peaches Geldof (11 January 2009 in The Observer)
Please note: Any character or place mentioned in this book is entirely imaginary; any resemblance with a person living or dead or a genuine place would be like totally accidental, wholly fortuitous, and a fecking stroke of genius so.
Copyright
Loig Thivend.
This
book is dedicated to Mark Linkous (1962-2010).
Foreword: A short Anglo-Irish lexicon of love.
It
goes like this.
After my conferences, during airflight, or simply standing in line for a toilet stall, I usually get people flock up to me and ask. They say: "Oh Uma Uma Uma so nice to see you to see you nice -mwwwwuah!- looking good babe, looking hot! Love your shoes too –Very street! Do you shop at Aldi?- Say, Uma -may I be frank here?- may I just say how much I absolutely adooored your latest one -read it in two tabs of acid, practically rolled off the tongue till the last page but -Say, look here babes, I must admit, I didn't quite get all the lingo like. In fact couldn't make sense of any expression your (naturally so expertly sketched and wonderfully rounded) characters use!
After my conferences, during airflight, or simply standing in line for a toilet stall, I usually get people flock up to me and ask. They say: "Oh Uma Uma Uma so nice to see you to see you nice -mwwwwuah!- looking good babe, looking hot! Love your shoes too –Very street! Do you shop at Aldi?- Say, Uma -may I be frank here?- may I just say how much I absolutely adooored your latest one -read it in two tabs of acid, practically rolled off the tongue till the last page but -Say, look here babes, I must admit, I didn't quite get all the lingo like. In fact couldn't make sense of any expression your (naturally so expertly sketched and wonderfully rounded) characters use!
Take
"OMG" like -WTF 'sthat supposed to mean!! "Your man" -How
dare you cast aspersions on me fella and where do you know him from in the
first place!! "That yoke" -What yoke would that be?? That's crazy
talk that, 'don't make no thudding sense!!"
They then usually proceed to emit doubts as to how realistic the descriptions are (do I even know the town I'm talking about? huh??), offer better one-liners, pick holes in the excuse of a plot, rewrite the third act and middle eight, suggest a guitar solo and a car chase in the build-up, pass strongly worded judgement on the masterful resolution, cackle about how they got their copy off the shelf of a hospital waiting room, and eventually leave, loudly promising never to bother reading the sequel to Bridget's adventures now that she's shacked up with her dreamboat of a Sloane twerp.
This is when I usually sigh a -er- sigh of relief that once more, they've got my baby mixed up with inferior competition, wipe the spit off my glasses, and get on with my life. Reader-meets-author, me erse.
But
the thing is... The thing is, after a while, these constant remonstrances got
me thinking. Could it be... could it be, after all, the feckers may have a
point? I asked myself. I started to wonder. I asked myself again. I pondered
too. Could it be they were on to something? Something I may have genuinely
misjudged? Once, twice, thrice, what could have originally been discounted as
mere ignorance on the part of (my highly esteemed, naturally) non-Dub readers
was definitely starting to hint at something else altogether... Huh. Could it
be -perish the thought- could it be that they were right and I was too close to
my subject? Was there something fundamentally rotten in the State of Uma? I
increasingly found myself wondering (and let me tell you, introspection doesn't
go down too well with people breathing down my neck clutching their crotch).
So
this is how I came to a conclusion. The best way to address any linguistic
concern had to be... Ta-da! Let's offer my beloved readers some kind of
lexicon! Genius or what? (Genius, don't answer all at once.) Truth be told, if
you don't know your culchie from your jackeen, your Grainne Seoige from your
Eamon Dunphy, you're in serious trouble pal.
That
was the main rationale. The second one being I may well need to look after my
following, like ...if I want to see them again the day I run out of royalties
on this one and have to milk out some derivative spin-off.
So there it is, esteemed readers: your guide to Lily's crazy world! Exhaustive, authoritative and nicked straight off the Net, it will be of great help to these readers who have never set foot in Dublin. (Unlike this author obviously, unlike this author.)
OK then… Hang on to your hats.
-"Absolutely" = "yes". I once explained that "absolutely" was the new "actually". Talking of which...
-"Actually". I postulated somewhere that "actually" reveals a deep-seated epochal anxiety on the speaker's part as if everyone were now so afraid of being disbelieved in this here age of Internet-based unreliability ...that they therefore engage in some sort of escalating mania for redundancy.
-Alliance Française = French cultural centre offering "the best coffee in Dublin" according to Irvine Welsh who used to take French lessons there. Haunting place of various luminaries.
-"AMG" = "AhMyGahd". Unimaginative variation: "Oh. My. God. (you won't believe who I've just seen, etc. etc. etc.)."
-“Aul’ wan” = old woman.
-"Away with the fairies" = to have a bird brain, to be mad.
-“Back in the land of the living” = back in Dublin, usually from the countryside. Not often used by speakers who hail from outside the capital (see "Culchies").
-Ballyfermot = Dublin neighbourhood like Kilmainham, Donnybrook, Crumlin, Tallaght, Clondalkin...
-"Bertie" = the godfather. Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern.
So there it is, esteemed readers: your guide to Lily's crazy world! Exhaustive, authoritative and nicked straight off the Net, it will be of great help to these readers who have never set foot in Dublin. (Unlike this author obviously, unlike this author.)
OK then… Hang on to your hats.
-"Absolutely" = "yes". I once explained that "absolutely" was the new "actually". Talking of which...
-"Actually". I postulated somewhere that "actually" reveals a deep-seated epochal anxiety on the speaker's part as if everyone were now so afraid of being disbelieved in this here age of Internet-based unreliability ...that they therefore engage in some sort of escalating mania for redundancy.
-Alliance Française = French cultural centre offering "the best coffee in Dublin" according to Irvine Welsh who used to take French lessons there. Haunting place of various luminaries.
-"AMG" = "AhMyGahd". Unimaginative variation: "Oh. My. God. (you won't believe who I've just seen, etc. etc. etc.)."
-“Aul’ wan” = old woman.
-"Away with the fairies" = to have a bird brain, to be mad.
-“Back in the land of the living” = back in Dublin, usually from the countryside. Not often used by speakers who hail from outside the capital (see "Culchies").
-Ballyfermot = Dublin neighbourhood like Kilmainham, Donnybrook, Crumlin, Tallaght, Clondalkin...
-"Bertie" = the godfather. Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern.
-Bewley's
= cafe slash restaurant where one goes to have a nice cup of tea after a spot
of shopping in the adjourning Grafton Street.
-"B.F.F."
= best friend forever; your bessie, like.
-"The black stuff" = Guinness.
-"The black stuff" = Guinness.
-"Bleeding"
= adjective expressing annoyance, nothing to do with bodily fluids. See also
"blooming"
-"Bold" = naughty. ““Oh but Ramon, what are you showing me here? You are being awfully bold” whimpered Lucinda, aglow with confusion and not a little shiver of excitement.”
-"Bollix" = bollocks. The legend that is Roy Keane once famously invited his national manager to "stick it up (his) bollix!", an anatomically inventive feat if there ever was one.
-"The-Brits" = the subjects of Her Britannic Majesty.
-“(by) the Bono!” = taking a sacred name in vain; interjection denoting either pleasure or displeasure. Refers to Bono Vox aka Paul Hewson, rock singer with U2 at night, cigar smoker / future President of Ireland (25/1 as I type) / ideal Pope / perennial Nobel Peace Prize nominee / hotelier by day.
-"Brutal" = not brutal per se, more like terrible, serious, proper, hardcore.
-"Celtic Tiger" = that probably unique period in Irish history of financial prominence. No actual tiger is involved.
-Charlie Haughey = eighties Prime Minister whose, er, colourful personality and -cough cough- flamboyant finances did not meet with everybody's approval. The so-called “father of the Celtic Tiger", he abolished taxes for artists and granted free transport to pensioners.
-“C’m here till I tell ya” = an invitation to come forth, the speaker being in a talkative mood.
-“Craic” = fun; the essence of which is often the vexed subject of many an opening address, namely “What’s the craic?!”
-"Croker" = Croke Park, one of the biggest stadiums in Europe, home of GAA and -until 2007- forbidden to "Anglo" sports such as soccer and rugby, on account of the 1920 massacre.
-"Culchie" = derogatory term meaning someone from outside Dublin. In the interest of balance, one must also mention the reverse insult aimed at Dubliners: "Jackeens" (with reference to the Union Jack).
-“Cute” = clever. “See this Loig7San -he’s awfully cute sometimes!”
-“Dear” = expensive.
-“Deco” = short for Declan. Guy who usually goes out with a girl named Sinead (hey, some of my very best friends are called Deco!).
-D 4 = postcode of Dublin's posh part, such as Dun Laoghaire or Blackrock.
-(The) Dail = the Parliament.
-"Deadly" = great (appreciative).
-"Dub" = Dubliner (name and adjective); the salt of the earth; fecking useless at GAA since the eighties.
-Eamon Dunphy = ex-footballer turned media pundit. Never in lack of an opinion or ten. "Rabble-rouser" and "unmissable" are two adjectives often used in conjunction with the man.
-"Eejit" = idiot.
-“(to) Feak” = to kiss, to snog –one step short of to fuck.
-"filum" = film.
-FAI = Football Association of Ireland. Organism that once appointed Stan “Steve” Staunton manager of the national team.
-"Fair play to you" = well done, good for you.
-"Bold" = naughty. ““Oh but Ramon, what are you showing me here? You are being awfully bold” whimpered Lucinda, aglow with confusion and not a little shiver of excitement.”
-"Bollix" = bollocks. The legend that is Roy Keane once famously invited his national manager to "stick it up (his) bollix!", an anatomically inventive feat if there ever was one.
-"The-Brits" = the subjects of Her Britannic Majesty.
-“(by) the Bono!” = taking a sacred name in vain; interjection denoting either pleasure or displeasure. Refers to Bono Vox aka Paul Hewson, rock singer with U2 at night, cigar smoker / future President of Ireland (25/1 as I type) / ideal Pope / perennial Nobel Peace Prize nominee / hotelier by day.
-"Brutal" = not brutal per se, more like terrible, serious, proper, hardcore.
-"Celtic Tiger" = that probably unique period in Irish history of financial prominence. No actual tiger is involved.
-Charlie Haughey = eighties Prime Minister whose, er, colourful personality and -cough cough- flamboyant finances did not meet with everybody's approval. The so-called “father of the Celtic Tiger", he abolished taxes for artists and granted free transport to pensioners.
-“C’m here till I tell ya” = an invitation to come forth, the speaker being in a talkative mood.
-“Craic” = fun; the essence of which is often the vexed subject of many an opening address, namely “What’s the craic?!”
-"Croker" = Croke Park, one of the biggest stadiums in Europe, home of GAA and -until 2007- forbidden to "Anglo" sports such as soccer and rugby, on account of the 1920 massacre.
-"Culchie" = derogatory term meaning someone from outside Dublin. In the interest of balance, one must also mention the reverse insult aimed at Dubliners: "Jackeens" (with reference to the Union Jack).
-“Cute” = clever. “See this Loig7San -he’s awfully cute sometimes!”
-“Dear” = expensive.
-“Deco” = short for Declan. Guy who usually goes out with a girl named Sinead (hey, some of my very best friends are called Deco!).
-D 4 = postcode of Dublin's posh part, such as Dun Laoghaire or Blackrock.
-(The) Dail = the Parliament.
-"Deadly" = great (appreciative).
-"Dub" = Dubliner (name and adjective); the salt of the earth; fecking useless at GAA since the eighties.
-Eamon Dunphy = ex-footballer turned media pundit. Never in lack of an opinion or ten. "Rabble-rouser" and "unmissable" are two adjectives often used in conjunction with the man.
-"Eejit" = idiot.
-“(to) Feak” = to kiss, to snog –one step short of to fuck.
-"filum" = film.
-FAI = Football Association of Ireland. Organism that once appointed Stan “Steve” Staunton manager of the national team.
-"Fair play to you" = well done, good for you.
-"Father
Ted" = documentary series on life outside the capital.
-"Fecking" (and "focken", rougher alternative) = clever roundabout way to avoid uttering another interjection whose correct spelling is left to your imagination.
-"Fella" "Fellow" "Fellet" = boyfriend.
-“(to) Fret” = to worry.
-"Frog's Legs" = a potent supersweet cocktail of dubious colour associated with young ladies in quest of a good time. Cf. also a "screaming orgasm", "sex on the beach", etc. -Yous get the general idea. It may not be advisable to cheekily buy one of these young ladies a "Frog's Legs" when, unbeknown to you, her burly father is standing right next to you at the bar.
-"Fecking" (and "focken", rougher alternative) = clever roundabout way to avoid uttering another interjection whose correct spelling is left to your imagination.
-"Fella" "Fellow" "Fellet" = boyfriend.
-“(to) Fret” = to worry.
-"Frog's Legs" = a potent supersweet cocktail of dubious colour associated with young ladies in quest of a good time. Cf. also a "screaming orgasm", "sex on the beach", etc. -Yous get the general idea. It may not be advisable to cheekily buy one of these young ladies a "Frog's Legs" when, unbeknown to you, her burly father is standing right next to you at the bar.
-"FUBAR"
= acronym for fucked up beyond all repair. Not grand, then.
-GAA = a man's game; in fact, several. All-Ireland Gaelic games involve batting a ball -and sometimes an opponent- with a great fecking spoon made of strong wood.
-"Gas ticket" = somebody fun, providing joy and a good laugh. “Baby Aibhin is such a gas ticket”, exclaimed her mum “it’s like having a new telly!”
-“Gaybo” = the venerable Gay Byrne, lifelong host of “The Late Late Show” and keen motorcyclist.
-"Gedda out of the park!" = you are having a laugh, my dear boy / girl.
-“Gee” = lady’s part (rude).
-(The) George = drinking establishment caring for gentlemen not looking for female company. Hosts jazz sessions on Sunday afternoons (and no, this is not a euphemism for something else).
-“(to) Give out” = to moan, whine, and generally let it all out for a refreshing frank and open.
-Gerry Ryan = inexplicable presence on the radio.
moving on to
-“Gobshite” = eejit.
-“Good for the goose” = susceptible of sexual conduct, as in “Hey dude, check out Aoife -ay caramba!- do you reckon she’s good for the goose?”
-"Good luck!" = goodbye!
-"Good man yourself!" = well done!
-"Goodbye!" = good luck! Only joking. Means "Goodbye."
-"Grand" = that which is good, fine, and even great.
-Grainne Seoilge = the gods’ gift to TV viewers, Grainne Seoilge is a Bambi faced newsreader blessed with a peachy complexion, a sparkle in her almond eyes, a darling of a chin, and a full set of perfect teeth that come in handy for her dazzling smiles.
And, oh, what an unfortunate juxtaposition we have here regarding the next term:
-“Ham shanking” = the practice of self-pollution.
-Haughey = see Charlie Haughey.
-“Holiers” = holidays.
-George Hook = mountain of a man who doesn’t half-like to pontificate on rugby and various subjects on the box and the radio. Blessed with a sandpapering voice which, once heard, is never forgotten. Everybody loves George Hook.
-"GSOH" = "Going Soft Or Homo" as in "Hey dude, ripped the remake of "Cannibal Holocaust" last night, the one made with children and fluffy little kittens y'know? ...Like, meh. Didn't flip my switch, must be GSOH."
-“Hoor” = alarmingly affectionate accolade made up after the word “whore”. “See (insert your name of choice) –what a cute little hoor!”
-"How's she cutting?" = how do you do. Cf. also "How's she hanging?", "What's the story (bud)!!", "Ah there you are".
-“Howsa.” = how do you do, what’s up bitches?
-"(((((hug)))))" = sending good wishes to someone over the World Wide Web. IMHO, men just looove to receive such messages -and talk about getting them to write one themselves!
-"IMHO" = "In My Humble Orifice" -er, opinion! In My Humble Opinion, I mean!
-“It’s all good” = judgement of a probably appreciative nature.
-"Jaysus" = Jesus.
-Sinead Jennings = Olympian athlete and trainee nurse from county Donegal who sure does her country proud.
-Joanne Cantwell = beguiling sports TV presenter with a little side-smile, a studiously repressed glitter in the eye, and an accent that would melt butter at twenty paces.
-"Kecks" = trousers.
-"(we) Know how to enjoy ourselves" = we get piss*d a lot.
-"Know-what-I-mean" = like "actually" and "like", a mandatory part of any Dubliner sentence.
-Liffey = river smack in the middle of Dublin that supposedly separates civilisation from the wilderness (please note I am not saying which side is which; let's just point out that the airport was built for faster escape on the North side).
-“(the) Lights are on but there’s nobody home” = someone not overly endowed with powers of reflection. A footballer maybe, or a fashion model.
-"Like." May just be heard uttered occasionally by da-yout-of-today. Pillar of any spoken statement, it is never used as a term of comparison. Makes for a nice sing-song stop at the end of any proposition, like.
-"Like I said" = as I said (Americanism).
-Lillie’s Bordello = select hang-out de rigiour for the Colin Farrell bad-boy types. …Could benefit from the patronage of wild wacky and wonderful novelists, mind.
-"LOL" = "lots of laughs" or "laughing out loud"; expression of amusement used by texters (or TxTrs). Does not mean "lots of love", as a certain person's mother believed to be the case and used to sign all her messages with, God love 'er.
-"LOLnot" = "laughing out loud -not"; expression of distinct non amusement favoured by texters.
-LUAS = the circular electric tramway.
-“Ma” = Mum.
-"Me" = my. Unless when it means "me".
-GAA = a man's game; in fact, several. All-Ireland Gaelic games involve batting a ball -and sometimes an opponent- with a great fecking spoon made of strong wood.
-"Gas ticket" = somebody fun, providing joy and a good laugh. “Baby Aibhin is such a gas ticket”, exclaimed her mum “it’s like having a new telly!”
-“Gaybo” = the venerable Gay Byrne, lifelong host of “The Late Late Show” and keen motorcyclist.
-"Gedda out of the park!" = you are having a laugh, my dear boy / girl.
-“Gee” = lady’s part (rude).
-(The) George = drinking establishment caring for gentlemen not looking for female company. Hosts jazz sessions on Sunday afternoons (and no, this is not a euphemism for something else).
-“(to) Give out” = to moan, whine, and generally let it all out for a refreshing frank and open.
-Gerry Ryan = inexplicable presence on the radio.
moving on to
-“Gobshite” = eejit.
-“Good for the goose” = susceptible of sexual conduct, as in “Hey dude, check out Aoife -ay caramba!- do you reckon she’s good for the goose?”
-"Good luck!" = goodbye!
-"Good man yourself!" = well done!
-"Goodbye!" = good luck! Only joking. Means "Goodbye."
-"Grand" = that which is good, fine, and even great.
-Grainne Seoilge = the gods’ gift to TV viewers, Grainne Seoilge is a Bambi faced newsreader blessed with a peachy complexion, a sparkle in her almond eyes, a darling of a chin, and a full set of perfect teeth that come in handy for her dazzling smiles.
And, oh, what an unfortunate juxtaposition we have here regarding the next term:
-“Ham shanking” = the practice of self-pollution.
-Haughey = see Charlie Haughey.
-“Holiers” = holidays.
-George Hook = mountain of a man who doesn’t half-like to pontificate on rugby and various subjects on the box and the radio. Blessed with a sandpapering voice which, once heard, is never forgotten. Everybody loves George Hook.
-"GSOH" = "Going Soft Or Homo" as in "Hey dude, ripped the remake of "Cannibal Holocaust" last night, the one made with children and fluffy little kittens y'know? ...Like, meh. Didn't flip my switch, must be GSOH."
-“Hoor” = alarmingly affectionate accolade made up after the word “whore”. “See (insert your name of choice) –what a cute little hoor!”
-"How's she cutting?" = how do you do. Cf. also "How's she hanging?", "What's the story (bud)!!", "Ah there you are".
-“Howsa.” = how do you do, what’s up bitches?
-"(((((hug)))))" = sending good wishes to someone over the World Wide Web. IMHO, men just looove to receive such messages -and talk about getting them to write one themselves!
-"IMHO" = "In My Humble Orifice" -er, opinion! In My Humble Opinion, I mean!
-“It’s all good” = judgement of a probably appreciative nature.
-"Jaysus" = Jesus.
-Sinead Jennings = Olympian athlete and trainee nurse from county Donegal who sure does her country proud.
-Joanne Cantwell = beguiling sports TV presenter with a little side-smile, a studiously repressed glitter in the eye, and an accent that would melt butter at twenty paces.
-"Kecks" = trousers.
-"(we) Know how to enjoy ourselves" = we get piss*d a lot.
-"Know-what-I-mean" = like "actually" and "like", a mandatory part of any Dubliner sentence.
-Liffey = river smack in the middle of Dublin that supposedly separates civilisation from the wilderness (please note I am not saying which side is which; let's just point out that the airport was built for faster escape on the North side).
-“(the) Lights are on but there’s nobody home” = someone not overly endowed with powers of reflection. A footballer maybe, or a fashion model.
-"Like." May just be heard uttered occasionally by da-yout-of-today. Pillar of any spoken statement, it is never used as a term of comparison. Makes for a nice sing-song stop at the end of any proposition, like.
-"Like I said" = as I said (Americanism).
-Lillie’s Bordello = select hang-out de rigiour for the Colin Farrell bad-boy types. …Could benefit from the patronage of wild wacky and wonderful novelists, mind.
-"LOL" = "lots of laughs" or "laughing out loud"; expression of amusement used by texters (or TxTrs). Does not mean "lots of love", as a certain person's mother believed to be the case and used to sign all her messages with, God love 'er.
-"LOLnot" = "laughing out loud -not"; expression of distinct non amusement favoured by texters.
-LUAS = the circular electric tramway.
-“Ma” = Mum.
-"Me" = my. Unless when it means "me".
-"Meh"
= that which is not convincing, mediocre. "Hey dude, did you check Stephen
Hawking's latest theological refutation of time-travel? Thought it was a bit
meh."
-M50 = parking space masquerading as a circular motorway.
-“Morto” = mortified. “Aoife gave me the evil eye, I was like morto!”
-“Mot” = girlfriend.
-"Munter" = a young lady not blessed with pleasing looks.
-“Muppet” = idiot.
-“Myself” = more often than not, me. An extraordinary amount of people don’t seem to know the difference between “myself” (reflexive) and “me” (accusative). This is how you end up seeing “he looked at myself” in the paper (true).
-NLI = the National Library of Ireland -fair play to the NLI, says I!
-“Nice little ride” = young person whose pleasing appearance and overall genial demeanour elicit thoughts of a sexual nature. Good in the sack. “Check out Aoife dude, she looks like a nice little ride, know-what-I-mean?”
-“Noddies” = breasts. As in “Gee dude, check the noddies on that little ride! Wouldn’t kick her out of bed if she farted!”
-"NOF" = "Not Office Friendly"; clearly someone who doesn't like offices. Probably someone who prefers working on his/her own. A freelancer, perhaps. Or a misunderstood genius novelist.
-"North Side" = the river defined Dublin half which is generally considered to be the more working-class and authentic of the two. This being said, personalities such as Bertie Ahern and The Bono In Person are native Northsiders, so there.
-(Senator) David Norris = flamboyant (in other words, gay) representative, human rights activist, Joyce scholar, and radio personality whose main historic legacy will have been to bring about the decriminalisation of homosexuality in the Republic of Ireland.
-"Now then." Warning before any course of action, usually uttered when the person sits down.
-"Off The Rails" = the, like, most totally awesome show on the telly which Lily should by rights be fronting (even though it's a bit meh at the end of the day) instead of that old ******* of ****** ****** ***.
-“On me todd” = on my own.
-"OPW" = Office of Public Works.
-“Pal” = mate.
-Panti Hose = superlative drag-queen (at least seven feet tall) who would have dear-old-Oscar running for the hills. Traditionally hosts the highlight of Dublin’s annual social calendar: the election of “alternative miss Ireland”.
-Pat Kenny = inexplicable presence on the radio and the television.
-"Plastic Paddy" = accusation levelled at the foreign based Celtic brethren who dares to be proud of its heritage.
-Podge and Rodge = foul-mouthed TV puppets beloved of children of all ages. Catchphrase: “Talk to me sack!”
-“Poxy” = that which is of inferior quality, shite.
-“Pulling the devil by the tail” = to be in top form.
-"Rashers" = meat-based product beloved of non-vegetarians.
-Roses of Tralee = talent show for young Celtic ladies selected the world over, the alpha and omega of Irishness. Takes place in Tralee.
-"ROFL" = Retching On the Floor, Legless or, for those less poetically inclined, Rolling On the Floor Laughing.
-RTE = Radio Television Eireann; you could say that the BBC is the Brits' version of RTE.
-"Sambo" = sandwich. Now here is a local expression that would travel badly over the sea. Spoken abbreviations often take "o" as a suffix, cf. "Keano" for Keane, "Deco" for Declan, "The Indo" for "The Independent newspaper and so on.
-“Scratcher” = bed.
-“Scoby” = some stuff, dat ting.
-"Scouldy" = rather lacking in cleanliness. Fecking shite, like.
-“Shaking hands with the unemployed” = the act of micturition. “Splashing one’s boots.”
-M50 = parking space masquerading as a circular motorway.
-“Morto” = mortified. “Aoife gave me the evil eye, I was like morto!”
-“Mot” = girlfriend.
-"Munter" = a young lady not blessed with pleasing looks.
-“Muppet” = idiot.
-“Myself” = more often than not, me. An extraordinary amount of people don’t seem to know the difference between “myself” (reflexive) and “me” (accusative). This is how you end up seeing “he looked at myself” in the paper (true).
-NLI = the National Library of Ireland -fair play to the NLI, says I!
-“Nice little ride” = young person whose pleasing appearance and overall genial demeanour elicit thoughts of a sexual nature. Good in the sack. “Check out Aoife dude, she looks like a nice little ride, know-what-I-mean?”
-“Noddies” = breasts. As in “Gee dude, check the noddies on that little ride! Wouldn’t kick her out of bed if she farted!”
-"NOF" = "Not Office Friendly"; clearly someone who doesn't like offices. Probably someone who prefers working on his/her own. A freelancer, perhaps. Or a misunderstood genius novelist.
-"North Side" = the river defined Dublin half which is generally considered to be the more working-class and authentic of the two. This being said, personalities such as Bertie Ahern and The Bono In Person are native Northsiders, so there.
-(Senator) David Norris = flamboyant (in other words, gay) representative, human rights activist, Joyce scholar, and radio personality whose main historic legacy will have been to bring about the decriminalisation of homosexuality in the Republic of Ireland.
-"Now then." Warning before any course of action, usually uttered when the person sits down.
-"Off The Rails" = the, like, most totally awesome show on the telly which Lily should by rights be fronting (even though it's a bit meh at the end of the day) instead of that old ******* of ****** ****** ***.
-“On me todd” = on my own.
-"OPW" = Office of Public Works.
-“Pal” = mate.
-Panti Hose = superlative drag-queen (at least seven feet tall) who would have dear-old-Oscar running for the hills. Traditionally hosts the highlight of Dublin’s annual social calendar: the election of “alternative miss Ireland”.
-Pat Kenny = inexplicable presence on the radio and the television.
-"Plastic Paddy" = accusation levelled at the foreign based Celtic brethren who dares to be proud of its heritage.
-Podge and Rodge = foul-mouthed TV puppets beloved of children of all ages. Catchphrase: “Talk to me sack!”
-“Poxy” = that which is of inferior quality, shite.
-“Pulling the devil by the tail” = to be in top form.
-"Rashers" = meat-based product beloved of non-vegetarians.
-Roses of Tralee = talent show for young Celtic ladies selected the world over, the alpha and omega of Irishness. Takes place in Tralee.
-"ROFL" = Retching On the Floor, Legless or, for those less poetically inclined, Rolling On the Floor Laughing.
-RTE = Radio Television Eireann; you could say that the BBC is the Brits' version of RTE.
-"Sambo" = sandwich. Now here is a local expression that would travel badly over the sea. Spoken abbreviations often take "o" as a suffix, cf. "Keano" for Keane, "Deco" for Declan, "The Indo" for "The Independent newspaper and so on.
-“Scratcher” = bed.
-“Scoby” = some stuff, dat ting.
-"Scouldy" = rather lacking in cleanliness. Fecking shite, like.
-“Shaking hands with the unemployed” = the act of micturition. “Splashing one’s boots.”
-"Shite"
= which is not good, antonym of "grand".
-"Skanger" = derogatory description of a disreputable young person usually dressed in tracksuit bottoms and a baseball cap despite not thought to be frequenting a gymnasium or playing baseball.
-"(to) Slag someone" = to slag them off.
-"Skanger" = derogatory description of a disreputable young person usually dressed in tracksuit bottoms and a baseball cap despite not thought to be frequenting a gymnasium or playing baseball.
-"(to) Slag someone" = to slag them off.
-"Slainte!"
= cheers!
-"South Side" = the more opulent and touristic half of Dublin.
-“Spanner” = politically incorrect questioning of someone’s mental ability. Yet another idiot.
-"Sprog" = a wee little bairn. An infant, not always legitimate.
-"Spuds" = potatoes. The main course of breakfast, tea, and supper -along with MEAT of course (cf. rashers).
-"Steaming" = under the definitive influence of alcoholic beverages.
-"Straightener" = a "hair of the dog" drink ...or a punch administered to the face, the choice is yours.
-"(to be) Sucking diesel" = to be on a roll.
-“Talk-to-Joe” = popular radio program (actual name: “Liveline”) hosted by Joe Duffy, a gentleman whose voice makes Eamon Dunphy sound like Enya. Ideal for the days when your local newsagent has run out of copies of “The Sun”.
-“Talk to me brown!” = (extremely vulgar) indication of a lack of interest for someone’s forthcoming opinion.
-"(go) Take a long walk off a short pier!" = an invitation to off eff.
-“Tea” = lunch. And tea.
-TCD = Trinity College Dublin.
-TD = Teachta Dala (member of Parliament).
-Temple Bar = drinking district for foreign tourists, mainly British, policed by Eastern European bouncers. Also site of cultural institutions such as the IFI (Irish Film Institute), the National Photographic Archive, the Olympia theatre, as well as the organic market on Saturdays.
-“Thanks a million” = thank you. Please note, no smaller amount will do.
-"That yoke" = anything, really.
-"The man himself" = your man.
-"To be perfectly honest widcha" = a Dubliner's start to any sentence.
-"Toodleeoh!" = goodbye.
-"Trinners" = Trinity College for short.
-UCD = University College Dublin.
-UK = mysterious neighbouring country less economically advanced whence revellers (male and female) arrive every weekend to get intoxicated in Temple Bar.
-"Up the Dubs!" = local exhortation aimed at encouraging local GAA team to go and actually win some fecking thing after twenty-odd years of frustration.
-U2 = popular beat combo.
-VPL = visible panty line. "AMG, whale tails are like so last year's VPLs!"
-Louis Walsh = bachelor pop music manager personally responsible for Johnny Logan, “The X Factor”, Westlife, Boyzone and Girls Aloud …and it's sometimes claimed that Aleister Crowley was “the world’s most evil man” eh.
-"South Side" = the more opulent and touristic half of Dublin.
-“Spanner” = politically incorrect questioning of someone’s mental ability. Yet another idiot.
-"Sprog" = a wee little bairn. An infant, not always legitimate.
-"Spuds" = potatoes. The main course of breakfast, tea, and supper -along with MEAT of course (cf. rashers).
-"Steaming" = under the definitive influence of alcoholic beverages.
-"Straightener" = a "hair of the dog" drink ...or a punch administered to the face, the choice is yours.
-"(to be) Sucking diesel" = to be on a roll.
-“Talk-to-Joe” = popular radio program (actual name: “Liveline”) hosted by Joe Duffy, a gentleman whose voice makes Eamon Dunphy sound like Enya. Ideal for the days when your local newsagent has run out of copies of “The Sun”.
-“Talk to me brown!” = (extremely vulgar) indication of a lack of interest for someone’s forthcoming opinion.
-"(go) Take a long walk off a short pier!" = an invitation to off eff.
-“Tea” = lunch. And tea.
-TCD = Trinity College Dublin.
-TD = Teachta Dala (member of Parliament).
-Temple Bar = drinking district for foreign tourists, mainly British, policed by Eastern European bouncers. Also site of cultural institutions such as the IFI (Irish Film Institute), the National Photographic Archive, the Olympia theatre, as well as the organic market on Saturdays.
-“Thanks a million” = thank you. Please note, no smaller amount will do.
-"That yoke" = anything, really.
-"The man himself" = your man.
-"To be perfectly honest widcha" = a Dubliner's start to any sentence.
-"Toodleeoh!" = goodbye.
-"Trinners" = Trinity College for short.
-UCD = University College Dublin.
-UK = mysterious neighbouring country less economically advanced whence revellers (male and female) arrive every weekend to get intoxicated in Temple Bar.
-"Up the Dubs!" = local exhortation aimed at encouraging local GAA team to go and actually win some fecking thing after twenty-odd years of frustration.
-U2 = popular beat combo.
-VPL = visible panty line. "AMG, whale tails are like so last year's VPLs!"
-Louis Walsh = bachelor pop music manager personally responsible for Johnny Logan, “The X Factor”, Westlife, Boyzone and Girls Aloud …and it's sometimes claimed that Aleister Crowley was “the world’s most evil man” eh.
-"Wagon":
less than appreciative comment on a woman.
-"(do you want to) Wake up with a crowd around you?" = "Do you want to have a go big man? huh? do you??" An invitation to engage in fisticuffs and get properly out knocked.
-“(to) Wreck someone’s bonce” = to get on someone’s top bollix, to do their head in.
-XXX = signatory "love and kisses" sign-off. Or, alternatively, hardcore porn.
-"Young Wan" = young woman.
-"Your man" = anyone really, anyone except your actual man. He who is being talked about, the man on the street.
All expressions personally penned by Uma o'Gil, all rights reserved eh.
-"(do you want to) Wake up with a crowd around you?" = "Do you want to have a go big man? huh? do you??" An invitation to engage in fisticuffs and get properly out knocked.
-“(to) Wreck someone’s bonce” = to get on someone’s top bollix, to do their head in.
-XXX = signatory "love and kisses" sign-off. Or, alternatively, hardcore porn.
-"Young Wan" = young woman.
-"Your man" = anyone really, anyone except your actual man. He who is being talked about, the man on the street.
All expressions personally penned by Uma o'Gil, all rights reserved eh.
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