C - O

C ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(He's got a) can opening right foot” -may not be entirely genuine.

Cantona, Eric -”Eric the King” or “King Eric”; you may want to use the adjective “mercurial” to describe him; once called his friend Didier Deschamps a “water carrier” to describe his unsung hero contribution to the team, an accolade that most British opiniated commentators always misunderstand. Also came up with the quip “when the seagulls follow the trailer, it is because they think fish will be thrown into the sea” which, once again, British journalists still don't get ...or pretend not to.

“Carlos Kick-a-Ball” -expression of contempt towards foreign players who dare get bought by  English clubs and don't always turn out to be the new Cantona, Zola, Cristiano Ronaldo or Bergkamp.

“Cashley” -sarcastic nickname for Ashley Cole, often used by Arsenal supporters.

“Caught in two minds”

Celtic Park -“Heaven” ...according to Celtic FC supporters, that is.

“Mark of true champions” –picking up more points than your rivals usually does it. Employed to describe the art of painstakingly grinding out unglamorous results week in week out.

“Chelski” -sarcastic nickname for Chelsea FC alluding to the nationality of its sudden funds injection.

Chip -always “impudent”.

“City” -the use of this abbreviation may need to be explicited. For further explanation -and as with many other remarks pertaining to Manchester City- please refer to “United”.

“el Clasico” -the generally acknowledged biggest match in club football: Barcelona vs. Real Madrid.

“Form is temporary, class is permanent.”

“They try to be clever, trying to play football” -feel the contempt dripping down the seasoned hard man's crusty lips.

“Clock“ -what is “ticking”.

“Cleanly” -how a ball is sometimes struck (even if done so with dirty boots). The player may otherwise be accused of not “connecting” with it.

Clough, Brian -  “the best manager England never had”.

“los Colchoneros” -nickname of Atletico de Madrid = the “mattress makers”, a reference to their neighbourhood of origin.

“come-and-get-me plea” -issued by players in search of a transfer.

“Come out of their shells” -what teams do after a goal is scored and the deadlock is broken.

“(Their keeper doesn't like) coming for crosses” -one of the guaranteed remarks by any British commentator reporting on an international match. Give it maybe ten minutes tops and someone -usually Andy Townsend- will wisely opine “Oh I don't know, Clyde, their keeper looks a bit dodgy to me... 'doesn't look like he likes coming for crosses.“

“Commentator's curse” -get ready to see a player make a bad mess of things after having been praised by the commentator.

“Commitment” -What cannot be questioned. Often used as diplomatic endorsement for hopeless players who at least put themselves about, i.e. run around like headless chicken.

“There was contact” -for these fouls that can simply not be ignored.

“Contract rebel” -player who wants out.

“(...) could have scored that” -the commentator's ten year old son, the viewer's grandfather, Harry Redknapp's wife... The list is endless, but -pointedly- does not include the player guilty of a recent miss.

“Covered” -what the keeper had.

“Covered every blade of grass” -worked hard, put himself about, cf. “worked his socks off”.

“Couldn't have hit it any better” -consolation pat on the metaphorical shoulder of a player who has precisely failed to do so.

“Coup” -nothing political here, just a big name signing.

“Crisis” -series of bad results. A couple more, and the situation has now evolved to “full blown” status.

“Cross-cum-shot” -when a mis-hit cross manages to find its way into the net and the kicker claimed he always meant it.

Cruyff, Johan -never fail to mention his “turn”, an outrageous piece of skill that once allowed him to change direction to the bewilderment of the defender facing him. Oh, and a pretty nifty player and manager he was too -you may want to bring up the subject of soft drugs and hardcore pornography at this stage, what with him coming from the Netherlands and all, you know, wink wink nudge nudge.

“(He has a) cultured left foot” -this man is proficient at kicking a ball with his left foot rather than his right one.

“Cut from the same cloth” -somehow resembling.

Answer: “Their keeper doesn't like coming for crosses.”

D ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Damp squib” -game of poor quality.

“Daisy cutter” -that will be a pass.

Dalglish, Kenny -”King Kenny”. Arguably Liverpool's greatest player. (Doesn't hail from Liverpool.)

“Dark horses” -team operating under the radar that may surprise a lot of people and upset bigger names.

“(in this) day and age” -now.

“Daytrippers” -home supporters travelling from outside town and returning here once the match is finished. Not an appreciative epithet. When supporting a famous club such as Manchester United or Liverpool, also referred to as “glory hunters”. A telling sign of their abjection is their hoisting of megastore merchandise bags branded with the club logo (this is a big no-no). 

“Deceptively quick” -that's a perplexing one.

“Defence” -often attributed to a generally unnamed schoolboy, or  simply diabolical (copyright Alan Hansen).

“Denied by the woodwork” -hits the bar.

“Derisory and insulting” -typical offer made by one's rival club for one's player. A few millions added and the insult has been forgotten.

“Deviates from the script” -what a surprise goalscorer does.

“(the team) didn't deserve to lose” -a variation on “life's not fair”.

“(I) didn't see it” -Arsène Wenger's catch-phrase when asked to comment about a foul committed by one of his men.

“He'll be disappointed with that” -invariably uttered after a bad miss.

“Disrepute” -what the game is thrown into by inconsiderate actions or utterances.

“Dive” -unwelcome addition to the various activities included in the noble art of the “Beautiful Game”: the art of throwing oneself to the floor, more often than not inside the box. The list of players accused of indulging in such farce would be too long to include here and varies from club to club: Jurgen Klinsmann, Ashley Young, Frannie Lee, Didier Drogba, Arjen Robben, Michael Owen, Cristiano Ronaldo...

Domenech, Raymond -never fail to mention the former French manager's alleged interest in astrology.

“(they) don't like it up them” -an invitation to rough up the opposition. Recycled from the seemingly never to be retired “Dad's Army” television programme.

“(the) Dutch” (or Holland, or even the Netherlands to be more accurate) -often to be described as fighting amongst themselves hee hee. Either that or are “masters”, the two not being mutually exclusive.

E ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(the) Eagles” -Crystal Palace. Not to be confused with “the Super Eagles”: Nigeria.

“(...when it seemed) easier to score” -it's reality that ultimately matters, not appearances.

“Early bath” -what selfish luxury players sometime treat themselves to when they get bored of running around outside in shorts and accordingly decide to jump on an opponent's ankle in order to earn themselves a red card. See also “he had to go”, wistfully uttered with a shake of the head by. 

“Early Christmas present” -easy goal scored at the start of December.

“Early doors” -at an early stage of the game.

“Eat – my – goal” -may not be entirely genuine, but the product of comedian Steve Coogan.

“Effort” -often “tame”.

“End-to-end stuff” –normally used to describe a frantic game. A slight exaggeration one would suspect, as the action usually isn’t end-to-end, but more like a few shots from the inside of the pitch in a given amount of time. Always heard whenever the Big Four play each other.

England -useless at penalties.

“Engine (he's got a great)” -referring to a player's stamina rather than his choice of motorcar.

“and (name of stadium) erupts” -mercifully not. Think of the insurance premium.

Europa League -it has become de rigueur to look down on European football's second competition, the prospect of playing on a Thursday night in front of Five's cameras clearly being an intolerable affront to any English club's dignity. “Mickey Mouse Cup”, you say? Quite.

“Every game is a cup final now.” -no pressure, then. Rousing up call that could be misconstrued as the strange admission that, until now, other matches did not matter in their own right.

F ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“the fact of the matter is” -what other people than the commentator, in their infinite wisdom, unfailingly fail to perceive.

“(the new manager has done a) fantastic job down there” -he has done well. Category: language inflation.

“False security” -see, taking the lead may give the team in front a feeling of “false security”, the logical implication of this statement being that maybe they ought to concede...?

“Fax machine” -apparently still in use at football clubs, the unsung hero of deadline days. The fax machine allows for eleventh hour deals to be completed as the clock is ticking and the transfer window about to get slammed.

“(He's gonna) feel that one in the morning” -a player has been hurt. He's demonstrably feeling it already.

“Feeling each other out” -how two tentative teams behave towards each other.

“Fergie (Extra) Time” -reference to the legendary Man United manager's propensity to cajole assistant referees into awarding a generous amount of added time during which his team may just end up scoring.

“Fever pitch” -enthusiastic support for one's team. Title of a soccer themed novel.

“He's on fire at the moment” -thankfully not.

“Finish” -”clinical”.

“Five star” -very good.

“Flair” -what the French possess. There is unfortunately no English word for it.

“Flop” -disappointment.

“(the players) fluffed his lines when presented with a chance”

“Wembley folklore” -historical fact involving this stadium.

“Foot wrong, a” -what a player will hardly put. Sounds like he's practising the rumba.

“Football” -name often used for “soccer”. Friendly warning: do not ever utter the word “soccer” in the company of English footy fans, you will be instantly found out. No such person will ever use the correct term since, as everyone knows, football was invented in England and the name must therefore be fiercely upheld against these wily Americans.

“(He is a proper) football man, he loves his football” -well, one would hope so, otherwise he'd be in the wrong line of work. Interestingly though, not all footballers automatically are / do. Newcastle United's David Batty, for one, was known for not watching any match on the telly; Tottenham's Benoît Assou-Ekotto is allegedly not too bothered either.

“...Football Club” -when interviewed, professionals will always make a point of adding these two words to their club's name, in case we imagined they were alluding to Olympique Lyonnais Judo Club or Ajax Amsterdam Ping Pong Academy.

“(winning the) footrace” -for these times when the players don't ride their motorbike on the pitch.

“For me...” -start of many comments by pundit Alan Shearer: “For me Gary, the lad should have hit the target”. Sorry to break it to you “Al”, but the player doesn't play for you.

“(the) best form of defence is attack” – no it isn’t, the best form of defence is defence. Affix “ILLOGICAL” tag here.

“Wouldn't have been given as a foul in my days...” -seventies commentator getting nostalgic here.

“(the) Foxes” -nickname of Leicester City.

“Frozen out in transfer limbo” -how clubs treat the players who have issued a come-and-get-me-plea.

G ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(the) gaffer” -the manager.

“He's got to gamble here” -no he doesn't. He's here to play football.

“(No-one) gambled” -nobody tried to get on the end of a (misdirected) cross.

“Game of Two Halves” – Lest viewers should forget, commentators may be well advised to remind them that they will be treated to an additional 45 minutes of play after nipping off to the toilet during the half-time commercial break.

The game may be referred to as funny and old (“funny old game”) -not that anyone usually laughs at this stage., this expression is merely uttered to justify unexpected events.

The game may also be described as “beautiful” (“the beautiful game”) and -if in the UK- as “the national one”.

“(They) gave it all” -and now there's nothing left in them. Nothing.

“(so-and-so) gave him the eyebrows” -player A sends a visual signal to player B.

“Gazza” -Paul Gascoigne.

“Football is a gentleman's sport played by thugs and rugby a thug's sport played by gentlemen” -when you want to sound erudite and witty even though this aphorism has often proved to be a load of rank old bollix.

“the Geordies” -nickname for Newcastle United.

Germany -”Never write them off” which is, for once, entirely logical: one can’t.

The Germans are notoriously efficient -which is a bad thing. They are also supposed to be devoid of any sense of humour, but this may take us down another, not football related, path.

More to the point, they have a habit of -naturally efficiently and humourlessly- beating England at football -except of course during the 1966 World Cup Final (incidentally held in England) when England beat West Germany ha ha ha ha. Mandatory quote to proffer: “"Soccer is a game for 22 people that run around, play the ball, and one referee who makes a slew of mistakes, and in the end Germany always wins." (Gary Lineker)

You may also want to crowbar the adjective “Teutonic” in.

England fans are known to chant “One World Cup and two World Wars” at their German counterparts. German fans, in the other direction, have taken the “Three Lions On A Shirt” pop song to their heart and never miss an occasion to sing “football's coming home” to the intense annoyance of England fans who -er- don't get the joke.

“I don't get mad, I get even” -what England manager Glenn Hoddle once allegedly trumpeted, except he didn't. He was responding to a question during a press conference and the media collated the two sentences (from two different people) -cf. also the infamous “Crisis? What crisis?” or “Give us your focken money!” that most people, to this day, will swear to have heard with-their-own-ears.

“Gerrard and Lampard can't play together.” -and this is why successive England managers have fielded them together umpteen times, with predictable results.

“Given” -what the commentator has seen.  Often refers to possible penalty which the referee, in his best judgement, has made a decision not to award. The pundit is reminded of different matches, with different teams and different referees, in different circumstances and different stadiums, where different decisions were taken. The pundit feels compelled to let us know about them. 

“Giving the keeper no chance” -arguably this writer's most hated expression, refers to a striker's attitude towards the opposite goalkeeper. Would you believe it, it appears that most players, faced with a chance to score, don't choose to pause and signal where they intend to shoot.

“Gloryhunters” -recent supporters of succesful teams. Not the most appreciative of epithet. “Gloryhunters” tend to be less than popular with their own local-based supporters or, indeed, with visiting fans who never miss an occasion to taunt them with the popular chant  “where were you when you was shit?”. See “JCLs” for more details.

“Go forward” -what a player sometimes “just wants to (do)”.

Goal -what is “needed”. Goals are often said to “change (the complexion of the) game”, as pundit Alan Shearer is often on hand to remind viewers. “Goals win games”, so they do.

“God” -undeniably positive accolade given by supporters to some very special favourites of theirs. Worthy recipients of this easy-to-bear tag include Matt Le Tissier for Southampton, Robbie Fowler for Liverpool, or Eric Cantona for Manchester United.

“Going down” -easy, tiger. A foreign opponent will be said to “go down easily” under a challenge, something that the likes of John Terry and Steven Gerrard have always assured us no English player would ever do as they are too honest for that kind of behaviour which has no place in the modern game.

“Golden Balls” -David Beckham.

“Golden Generation” -a recent England team, apparently.

“les Gones” -nickname of l'Olympique Lyonnais. The football hipster will say “I see that the English champions are playing Lyons tonight. Les Gones have to start as favourites.”

“Good eye for the goal, a” -adept at scoring goals. Knows “where the goal is”.

“Good day at the office” -except a football pitch is most emphatically NOT an office.

“He got a (little) bit excited” -as he well ought to be. Whenever a player gets over-enthusiastic at the chance of scoring a goal. See also “saw the headlines for a second”.

“'Got the ball!” -outraged cri du coeur ejaculated whenever One Of Our Boys gets penalised for chopping some chap's legs off despite -apparently, on the tenth super slo-mo replay- making some sort of contact with the ball.

“He's got to be hitting the target from that distance” -the commentator is not angry with the hapless sod, he's just disappointed.

“Great cross, shame no-one was there” -well... it's not a great cross then, is it? File under Highly Illogical.

“Group of Death” -ominous grouping that will presumably result in coffins being flown back home .... not. A group of death includes at least two strong teams and therefore doesn't spell good news for minnows such as Liechtenstein, North Korea, or (insert name of your choice here).

“the Gunners” -nickname of Arsenal FC players.

H ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“the hairdryer treatment” -alleged motivational method favoured by Sir Alex consisting of submitting a poorly functioning player to a vocal tirade delivered at high volume in very close proximity to said player's head during the half-time interval. Variations on this theme include “tea-cups will be flying” and “(the players) are up for a roasting”. 

“the Hammers” -West Ham. Sometimes described as “happy”.

“Hand of God” -not a reference to the New Order pop single, but to Diego Maradona's shameless handed goal against England during a World Cup tournament. Shameless, it was. This being established, never fail to follow up with a reference to his other goal during that match which was terrific or, rather, “genius” -if not simply “the best goal ever scored”.

“Handbags” -short-lived, forehead nuzzling, wide-eyed, “hold me back lads, hold me back!” physical confrontation. Pundits using this word clearly are well 'ard; nothing less than bones sticking out of broken limbs warrants their respect. Youngsters eh... See, back in their own days, they had nothing to eat but gravel! 

“Hands-off warning” -what clubs issue to rivals keen on nabbing one of their players.

“(The keeper won't be) happy with conceding from here” -not that he should welcome being beaten from any distance, one would imagine.

“Hard man” -thug. Player from the seventies (usually), a period where serious fouls meant something substantially more violent than breathing down in someone's general direction.

“Hat-Trick” -when a player scores three goals, after which he gets to take home the last ball in play or, as the commentators mistakenly call it, “the match ball”.

“He had to go” –what happens after a player gets a red card. There is always a commentator on hand to remind the viewer of the kinetic consequence of said player's indiscretion (see also “take an early bath”).

“They're a hard team to break down” -fancy that, the opposite side probably never had any intention of turning up and letting (us) beat (them).

Header -can be “bullet”, “diving”, “glancing”, “nodding”, “deflecting”, “towering”, “stooping”, “crashing”, “into the ground”. Often “off-target”, mind.

“He has to hit the target from here” -when a striker somehow manages to miss from close distance.

“If anything, he almost hit it too well” -eh??

“When he hits them, they stay hit!” -said of vigorously struck balls.

“Hot-shot” -in English: successful.

Hucknall, Mick out of Simply Red -and did you know he supports Man United? Yes, he does!

Hughes, Mark -better known as “Sparky”.

“He's human after all” -after a glaring miss from a top, top brilliant player.

“110%” - what some managers expect from their players, against all mathematical possibility.

Caption to the illustration: “He has to hit the target from here.”

I ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“If it hadn't been for their keeper we would have scored” -well... that's what your man was on the pitch for.

“International level” -when calling up a young player, constitutes a step-up in class. Unless it concerns a foreign team, in which case is a sign of its “desperation”.

Inzaggi, Pippo -“has been flagged offside”.

“(player, usually a defender) introduces himself” -assaults an opponent. A defender will often want to put the fear of God into his opponent and “let him know he's about” as soon as possible, gambling on the high probability that the referee will hesitate to issue a booking early in the game.

Italy -always start slowly. Often accused of playing some negative, tactical (boo!) football usually referred to as “catenaccio” (= door-bolt).

“It's important (we get off to a good start / don't concede early / keep our heads about / concentrate / don't give them any space” -we need to win.

J ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“JCL” or “Johnny-Come-Lately” -a recent adept. One of the most egregious crimes in football supporting folklore is to have been born too late to have experienced the wilderness years of one's chosen club. To have suffered the lows of relegation and repeat defeats is a badge of honour that must be worn with pride and made public to everyone within earshot. A “JCL” has just arrived on the scene, and will therefore be treated with the same contempt reserved for “glory hunters” engaged in “jumping on the bandwagon”. “JCLs” are called “Footix” in French = someone who discovered soccer in 1998. Cf. also “noobies”.

Jeffers, Francis -“the fox in the box”.

“Journeyman” -Well-travelled player who featured for many sides.

“Just enough to put him off” –how to describe an act of cunning intimidation perpetrated by a defender on a striker. Defenders generally like to “introduce themselves” to the opposite players they will batter as much as they can get away with for the rest of the ninety minutes.

K ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Keegan, Kevin -used to sport a (bubble perm) seventies haircut in the seventies. Do remark upon it.

“Keystone Cops moment” -when referring to a comedy of errors. Audiences under the age of 100 may be forgiven for wondering who on earth these policemen are.

“Killer ball” – no actual death is involved here, fortunately. The remark usually refers to a defence splitting pass. What in Dublin would be called “deadly” (= brilliant).

“Kisser” -part of the body where some unfortunate players get it.

“(he) knows where the goal is” -at long last, what distinguishes a striker from the rest of his team-mates. He'd better, mind you. Since goals change the complexion of the game, win matches, and so on.

“the Kop” -part of stadium elevated to mythical status for its lodging of the most vocal (“ultra”) local supporters; known as “la (North or South) Curva” in Italy, principally in the Roman and Milanese stadiums.

L ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“He was the last defender -it's an automatic red card” -a favourite with commentators that, actually, has no legal founding: the rule-book has no such clause.

“He is the last person they would have wanted this chance to fall to” -probably untrue, in the whole wide world.

“the Latics” -Wigan.

“(the) League table doesn't lie” -at long last a mathematically correct statement. If a team sits above another one, it is because it has accrued a greater number of points.

Leeds United -the team that defeated Brian Clough. The legendary manager only lasted 44 days there before throwing in the towel (as recounted in the terrific novel “The Damned United” by the terrific novelist David Peace).

“Lengthy” -long.

“Library, the” -less than complimentary nickname for Arsenal FC's former stadium (Highbury).

Lineker, Gary -was never booked let alone sent off, did you know? (This fact was not lost on the man himself who -allegedly- always made sure to remind referees along the lines of “Do you want to be the first ref to book me? Well, do you??”)

“(a player) linked with” -not in a romantic way, but in relation to a potential transfer.

Liverpool FC -”have a rich sense of history”, you may want to offer wistfully.

Lob -“audacious”.

“Lost the dressing room” –when a manager loses the respect of his players, rather than a building.

M ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(They) made things difficult for us” -the bastards dared play their part. Either offered as an excuse for defeat or as extra self-congratulation.

“Magic of the (F.A.) Cup” – ecstatic invocation uttered every time a lower league team beats a bigger league team. The fact that the bigger team may have chosen to field reserves due to fixture congestion is obviously irrelevant.

“(He is a) manager's dream” -player receptive to his manager's instructions. No homosexual attraction implied.

“Managerial Merry-Go-Round” -the common practice of sacking and replacing managers.

Manchester City -likes to see itself as the local team; cf. also Torino or Munich 1860.

“Manchester United never lose -they run out of time to equalise” -smug much?

“Man U”-abbreviation only ever employed by people from outside Manchester. Talking of...

Manchester United -”the red devils”, “the cock of the North” according to their supporters' song, “ManUre” according to ten year olds.

Man United fans hail from Surrey / London “typical Man U fan ...I bet he's never been to Old Trafford” -common cliché whose veracity, as far as Old Trafford attendees are concerned, has been disproved by season tickets addresses and Twitter localisation stamps, but never let facts stand in the way of a cliché -which is what this book is all about.

“the Maradona of the (insert N.E. geographical zone here)” -new brilliant player hailing from an unusual place; could be Romania, could be Sainte-Foy l'Argentière.

McDermott, Terry (or Graeme Souness for that matter) -used to wear a 'tache, which is outrageous.

“(It's) meat and drink to him” -a Martin Keown find, used to describe a skill that is second nature to a player.

“Men against boys” -chasm in quality.

“Mind-games” -what managers (or, less often, players) engage in with each other, like the masterbrains that they are.

“Minnows” -less than glamorous team not overly endowed with many prospects of victory making up numbers in the competition it appears in. Still needs to be “given respect”. “Never an easy game”, see.

“(the) modern game” -very different from football as was played in the pundit's own days.

“Monster” -name that a certain would-be flamboyant agent tried to turn into an adjective in order to express a player's great quality: “cor, he is a monster player that one”. See also “top top” beloved of Jamie Redknapp.

“(He needs to get) more involved” -he needs to go and assault an opponent.

“(You would have placed your) mortgage on him converting this chance” -bit of fascinating etymology here: the word comes from the French language with “mort” meaning “death” and “gage” meaning “debt” or “token”, so this basically spells out this message: “If you don't repay your debt, you deserve to die”!

“(the) most knowledgeable supporters in the land” -quite a few clubs like to boast of this epithet, usually the one mentioned in the current conversation. As opposed to their know-nothing local rivals, naturally.

N ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name + “y” -linguistic mannerism denoting affection, hence “Scholesy”, “Platty”, “Wrighty”...

Name + “za” -linguistic gimmick denoting affection, hence “Gazza”, “Wazza” (except nobody took their cue from this Beckham invention ...The Sun, perhaps?).

“the new (Ryan Giggs)” -exciting new kid on the block who gets instantly lumbered with a tag impossible to live up to. Cf. also “the Maradona of” (insert geographical name here).

“the next goal's going to be really important”

“that magic night in Barcelona” updated to “that famous night in Istanbul”, depending on which red clad North West team is playing -famous English victories in the Champions League competition.

“Nine” -the number of the cloud. When used in conjunction with “false”, means a strategic choice not to play with a conventional 4-4-2 formation.

“No easy game (in international football or at this stage of the competition)” -how to get one's excuses in early.

“No-nonsense defender” -a thug. Also known as a “take-no-prisoner defender”.

“Noobie” -someone new on the scene. Cf. “JCL”.

“Northwest” -difficult trip that teams face.

“Not over until the fat lady sings” -until the referee blows-the-final-whistle. And that's discounting the people who think it's all over, and are on the pitch.

“Not that kind of player” -protestation of innocence from a manager who -more often than not- has witnessed a vicious foul by one of his players, for which the miscreant has duly received a red card.

“Nothing to see” -the best way to ignore a foul by one of Our Boys. Moving on, shall we! … Often followed by righteous indignation at the opponents' rough tactics. 

O ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Obviously...” -phrase filler. A cricket player once casually brought up the subject of his mother-in-law's sudden death as -obviously- a contributing factor to his side's defeat.

“the Old Firm” -derby between Rangers and Celtic.

“(l') Olympico” -derby between l'Olympique Lyonnais and l'Olympique de Marseille.

“On paper” –the composition of a team may be of great relevance to the outcome of a match, but it has no causative effect: matches are played on grass, not on paper.

“One for the camera” -oh so nonplussed comment on a spectacular save.

“One-club man” -unadventurous player who spends his entire career at one club: step forward Gary Neville, Tony Adams, Jamie Carragher...

“(playing) one-twos” -the art of exchanging passes between two players (of the same team, preferably). Clever or what!

”Onion bag, the” -the net.

“(You) only sing when you're winning” -inevitable chant that gloats at the despair -and resulting momentary silence- experienced by deflated rival supporters who have just seen their team concede a goal or two.

“Opted for power over placement” -referring to the act of shooting. This may result in “stinging the palms of the keeper”.

Opportunity” -may be “glorious”, “gilt-edged”, “golden”, “clear”, “spurned”, “wasted”, “lost”...