The Ultimate Action Movie, If Looks Could Kill, and others

  

"The Scenario" (or "The Great Adventure")

Sanjay, an astute Indian businessman (in his early thirties), contacts two University friends of his, a sensitive New Man (writer), and a maniac film buff (the "otaru" type) to write a thriller for a C-movie film star whom his uncle, a local reasonably wealthy "Bollywood" type producer, has managed to sign up. The project represents a great opportunity for the uncle who wants to move into new, non-Asian, territory; Sanjay, who wants to prove himself as a savvy film decider; and the two writers, who are given their big chance to write a movie for real. 

The film buff (complete with goatee) lives with his videotapes (update: his DVDs!) and cult memorabilia (could be Jean-Hughes Anglade or David Thewlis …think the comic bookshop owner in “the Simpsons").

The uncle gives them "total artistic freedom"...but the ever-present (i.e. interfering) go-between Sanjay continually reminds the duo of not offending anyone. This recurring sub-plot allows our film to explore all the movie clichés encountered by scriptwriters (cf. the numerous relevant websites that point them out, or “things I learned while watching this” forums on imdb for documentation) , especially when setting out to write something "really innovative and ground-breaking" –which means they will inevitably fall back onto hackneyed gimmicks. This leitmotiv also allows for a showcasing of social "political correctness" issues inhibiting artistic freedom, peppered with genuine cinema anecdotes.

After many a discussion, the trio decide on a detective character investigating corrupt politicians (as nobody could possibly side with those); a happy ending is deemed mandatory. The private personalities of the two main writers come through: is it any surprise that the caring literature graduate watches violent porn secretly and that the late adolescent would love nothing more, sometime, than to be just “one of the lads” down the pub discussing footy (excruciating scene in which he tries). In the same spirit, they come across a woman of the verge of a nervous breakdown -who turns out to be a social worker in her day-time job. Would-be entrepreneur Sanjay, exasperated with the two procrastinating ("ooh... whass the point... nobody will ever see it anyway...") finally gets down to it, and single-handedly writes the ending for them: the detective, lonesome rebel as they come (i.e. an unrepentant indoors smoker), uncovers a paedophile ring, turns down his secretly enamoured secretary with a witty one-liner, and rides off -without his crash helmet- into the misty sunset.

The ending: they proudly hand over the scenario which has been completed during the frenzied night, unaware of the news headline in the papers: "Troy McClure" the actor has just died. There could be an "epilogue" detailing what happens to the protagonists next: the two get paid, and Sanjay gets his first "hit" as his uncle takes the actor's place in the tailor-made, vanity project film.

Comments: a film for film lovers with lots of film trivia that don't have to be explained but will be picked up by those who know their Takashi Miike from their Bertrand Blier. Special appearance by Nadia Nyce.

Format: could be turned into a TV series, which would give more time to explore the different topics tackled by the two intrepid scriptwriters. Basically, this should be a fun opportunity for all actors concerned to be used contra-type, and possibly caricature themselves.

One of the starting ideas was: here are two avid debunkers of (film / representation) clichés who have no awareness of their own deficiencies in reality. Post-modern concept of fiction being more exciting than reality -but not in a cynical way. It would be too easy, not to say demagogic, to show these three dreamers selfishly ignoring the harsh realities of life (don't we all ?). On the contrary, the tone should be kept pleasant, so as to demonstrate the necessity of light-hearted humour in life. Also, I would favour some kind of happy ending showing them "getting somewhere" ...even if not where they intended in the first place. Still, they get their film –or rather what's become of it- done.

As they go along, scenes from their dream-film featuring "Troy Mc Clure", then record scratch sound-effect, actors freeze, voice-over: "Hang on, we can't show that /  he can't be seen doing this because...".

The two writers could be shown excerpts from the uncle's other productions: cue introduction to the fantastic "Bollywood" genre, as well as genuinely cheap "sexploitation" straight-to-video thrillers (baaaad typecasting / acting requested here: snarling villains, femmes fatales, air-head bimbos and so on), representing the direction the uncle would like to move into (via his nephew’s official identity). Insert at this stage close-ups on the sensitive soul's face (no music or comment needed) …and childish ecstasy on the cult aficionado's. Of course, between these two, the sensitive soul will be the one to come up with the more outrageous suggestions -these suggestions, which Executive Producer Sanjay always manages to tone down. Any resemblance with existing situations... (with a nod to producer Rob Lowe in "Wayne's World" –although I must add that, as I am currently re-editing this, I have no memory of it whatsoever, not having seen this movie for a couple of decades!.) 

Sociological angle: presentation of Asian community in Britain, including its music. Filmed footage of sci-fi fairs. 

Music: "Love Rears Its Ugly Head"-Living Color, the best-single-of-all-time (arguably –as Frankie Knuckles may have something to say about that) "You've Got The Love" by Candi Staton and The Source. Finally, this is NOT a reworking of "The Producers": I've never seen it anyway; possible reference to "Bowfinger".

Comedy; depicts the travails of two scriptwriters commissioned to wrote a come-back vehicle for an ageing filmstar.

"Here We Are, Entertain Us" ("the ultimate adventure movie")

A business man type (played by Nick Cave) comes back home from. He is greeted by his servants, who serve him dinner. He looks tired, preoccupied; they wait on him deferentially in silence. Every now and then, his phone rings: "Yes. Peter... huh. I see... I see... Let them wait a bit longer, I'll deal with it tomorrow. Thank you." (...) Cut to the butler, who selects and loads a film into the projector. Then he requests his master 's presence: "Your film is now ready, it’s at your convenience... Our Lord." As he turns, we see a pair of angel wings on his back. The white haired business-man sits down to enjoy His movie: stares at us (i.e. we being the screen he looks at).

Opening credits.

Another day in a European capital. A group of film fans have spent the night arguing about horror movies on the Net, one of them prepares to go to work. Music: "Il est 5 heures, Paris s'éveille". Setting the scene, illustrating the break of a new dawn.

The protagonist muses: "What I need would be a killer idea, something that hasn't been done before... The scenario to end all scenarios." His publisher's secretary rings to remind him that he is due to hand in a treatment (he’s been contracted to work on) soon, and that -this time- he must meet his deadline otherwise... "Sure. Sure. Absolutely. Not to worry Diana, I'm on it, in fact I was just re-editing an appendix." he assures her. Hangs up: "Yeah, right... like ghosting someone's work is just what the world is waiting for...". He picks up his copy, goes back over his assignment, reflects on all the rewriting, watering down, censoring of someone else's original work. He sighs despondently as he surveys the pages filled with red blotches indicating "unacceptable" / "too controversial" / "swearword" and so on. (...)

Cut to the spectator (God), getting impatient: "Right, when's it gonna kick off? I deserve better than this, me!" Lights up a cigarette. Zoom: by doing so, he has ignited a volcano on Earth.

Back to the story: Boris explains that if only he could find the killer plot, the killer story to write up quickly and post on the Net, he'd be sorted for life. Feels that he's been betraying his true calling all his life, God knows he didn't want to end up like this, stabbing “colleagues” (other authors) in the back as it were... The barman endures his jeremiad, making the usual approving mumbles: "Yeah... sure... too right, buddy, ah tough luck eh..." Boris goes on.

God’s attention wavers. He pops out for a toilet break (or to pour himself a drink). While he is away, a sinister character (whose appearance is to be defined) pops in and eavesdrops. He has a wicked smile, goes: "Oh yes... just you wait son."

Back to the film. The camera turns to show that the barman's face has changed into the mysterious visitor's. God interjects: "Continuity! Pah, editors these days..." The barman cunningly asks a despairing Boris: "Now then, are you serious about it? You ready to come up with the story of all stories? ... OK then. Maybe you will ... maybe you will. Must leave you now though –Duty calls!"  Turns away to serve a group of new customers (businessmen on a jolly? ...or a gang of school-children).

Boris leaves the café, walks down the street. Then trips and falls through an open window down into a sports car going round the corner. The car suddenly accelerates and chases another one down the streets: the perfect copy of "Bullitt", complete with short blast of its soundtrack. Amazed and not little bit shaken, Boris gets the driver's attention: it's Steve McQueen! (Ingenious editing needed here.) Boris is ejected out of the car as the scenes continues.

Cut to God: "Eh? Now that's better..."

Boris comes to; gets up from the pavement all bruised up to find himself in the middle of a (...)

his new friend. "Er... I don't know, I must admit I never watched it till the end..." Boris replies. "In any case, we must stop this. I must find a way to put an end to this nightmare." By now, night is falling and they come across a motel. Boris vaguely recognises it. They go too fast for him to read the name; a young man comes up to meet them: it's Anthony Perkins out of "Psycho". They leave in a hurry. Cut to a scene of "Night Of The Hunter": "evil never sleeps" (...)

God crosses his legs, now mildly entertained: "Huh-oh... carry on..."

Back to the film: the sinister barman appears and addresses the audience. "Amusing eh? I’ll give you amusing! And how about... that?" Cut to visions of armies on the move, monsters from "Starship (Storm)Troopers" galloping towards us, and so on. God sits up: "Wait a second... I know you! Of course, you are... H’a!" More instances of cinematic evil let loose. God: "OK Luke, if it's what you want... Game on!"

They find a car and drive away. The "Duel" truck appears; Boris recognises it and deduces that they have either become Dennis Weaver or that they are alternative victims of the truck-driver (choice to be made: do our protagonists basically become the cinematic characters or do they “hitch a ride” on the already existing stories / universes? I favour the second option). The other protagonists (i.e. introduced in-between) ask him how the original character survived in the movie. He tells them how, and they accordingly drive up the road to await the juggernaut. "Any minute now this idiot's gonna turn up and try to crash into us... but towards his death! Ha ha ha! Little does he know that I've seen the film!" The truck duly appears, and crashes as predicted. "One-nil!" Boris punches the air. "We ‘what now?" (...)

Then the building starts to shake. "Jesus Christ, what is it now??" They spot the two dinosaurs from "Jurassic Park" in the kitchen, and hide. Then Deverre has an idea: (...) "Hmm... true, but mainly thanks to the screenwriter's miraculous resolutions" Leatitia corrects him. "Let's imagine we could take Deverre up on his suggestion, what could we field against these two?" (...) Final scene from the film to follow.

Cut to the devil: "OK then -you raise me the "Tower", I'll raise you..." Ponders choice, clicks long-nailed fingers (may break a nail and winces in pain as the result).

They find themselves in the "Poseidon". Boris doesn't recognise this one, but Deverre does. He explains that they have to climb up ...or have to invoke another film.

But Boris is getting tired. He wants to go home, feels done with this cinematic madness. It's getting tiresome, he reckons they need to ponder what’s happening, and reflect why all these movie events are happening for real, why they are caught in them. What brought it about? They must get to the root of the problem otherwise there won't be any end in sight and they may just spend the rest of their lives on this demented run (as they casually fend off the unrelenting attacks of vampires, street gangs, and other nazis). Laetitia concurs, wonders out loud where / how it started -which reminds him of his conversation with the barman. Maybe he needs to transport himself back to that moment: should this be their goal? Their ticket to escaping this madness? He finds himself unable to cast himself back there. This could provide a few amusing instances of failed teletransportations (in the spirit of the “Bewitched” remake). This would also serve as a structural, defining leitmotiv (i.e. providing a story [diegetic?] guiding goal).

His companions offer this explanation: this isn't in a film, this is for real. They are caught in someone's cinematographic fantasy, someone with the power to bring these creatures to life. This is what / who they have to contend with, face up to. "Are we characters in someone's film? In someone’s scenario?" Boris wonders. Laetitia probes him (continually leads him in the right direction by asking the right question): if this is what’s happening, who has the power to bring to life such fictitious creatures? (...) Boris finally gets it, realises what Laetitia must have represented; and then turns his attention to Deverre -who tells him that he, the demiurgic author, has the power, he is the one in a position to save “us" (i.e. humanity) from boredom and martyrdom. He must recognise his power, accept what he’s had in him all along and hasn't properly exploited. And on these words Deverre disappears.

Boris is now alone; the landscape then changes to a multitude of chess games taking place all around him: vertiginous vista. "OK, OK, I got the message, I'll do it! I won't sell out, I won't prostitute my pen!" he yells,

and he is brought back down to Earth.

His phone rings, his publisher wants to see him. He gets there. Boris is determined to argue his case with his editor, all excited about his very own story (rather than his assignment). The haughty secretary keeps him waiting; eventually lets him in. He sits down, and the camera reveals the boss: it's the devil, who grumpily asks him: "So, you 'got your rewrite ready yet!"

Cut to God, who has fallen asleep on his sofa and is snoring. The end. 

Loig Thivend copyright 2003.

Logline: God and the Devil do battle through a series of film-scenes magically brought to life. A screenwriter and his emblematic companions try to fight their way through the escalating madness.

Remarks. Just a bit of meta-fun drawing on other movies, re-editing them to fit this story.  

"The Circles (Fade To Black)" 

"First Circle" –Arguably best not to title it as such (which would give the game away) ...but then again,  this would send a clear signal and indicate that there will be more horror to follow. The first segment a mini slasher story: your average woman killing serial killer trope, Giallo style. About 20 minutes should suffice, enough to introduce key features / topics that will reoccur at a later stage i.e. in further “circles”.

Cut to "Second Circle". Main plot: the marriage of a successful crime writer is not going so well. We are led to understand that the previous sequence / sub-plot was the representation of one of his best-selling stories. Back in real life, the writer has little time for his wife and prefers to concentrate on his novels -as she reminds him in no uncertain terms. Her rebuke prompts a wishful thinking fantasy sequence on his part in which she gets killed in one of his trademark ways. Still, they stay together; they somehow make it work, with him perfectly aware of his shortcomings as a husband and a man. Living arrangements: they have achieved some kind of balance with him bringing her financial stability and her taking care of logistics (all the mundane considerations of everyday life). To his credit, he does recognise her contribution and support (taking care of home-life details, dealing with inescapable issues that he can’t be bothered with) and so they carry on, somehow.

The man completes another novel in the cycle featuring the previously shown serial killer “Fantos”. His latest opus is sure to be another big success: a film studio is seeking to secure the rights for adaptation (which would introduce / enhance the idea of different levels; the concept of cycle; transitions within the plot and this film’s overall structure).

Stylistic note: this (apparent) real-life setting / sub-plot has to be less visually glamorous than the first circle which featured the writer's imagined world. Made particularly clear in the wife murder fantasy scene whose style reverts to the first circle's aesthetics (this should act as a visual alert).

Sudden cut to ("Third Circle"). A police department is looking for a serial killer who follows a particular modus operandi. The detectives' comments on the case lead us -i.e. this film's audience- to recognise the trademark signature of the first level fictional killer (Fantos). Back in this reality plane, the detectives wonder whether the real killer has not been inspired by a work of fiction such as a film or a book... One of the detective retorts that they can't possibly watch every piece of exploitative crap made for loners with a grudge against society! Instead, they get in touch with a "giallo" fan / z-movie buff and a crusty old "pulp fiction" pipe-smoking reader who might be able to confirm whether the killer’s signature is indeed an instance of (life imitating art) imitation. (The two connaisseur characters should be fun to create.) The two experts use their contacts and knowledge to look into the matter. Doing so, they pick the brains of  "pulp fiction" publishers, and one of them recalls rejecting manuscripts that would fit the bill. One thing leads to another, and the police storm a flat where a would-be writer lives (address found in the publishing company's dusty archives). The loner living there turns out to be the killer, and the (previously presented as best-sellers in the second circle) thrillers are in fact rejected manuscripts. Portrait of the "Otaku" type (who -to recap- fantasized about being a successful writer, and even created in his own mind -and for the film's second sub-plot- a complementary "voice of reason" type (that is to say the wife) as a would-be balancing act to assuage his criminal mind); presentation of his bedsit (cf. "Se7en"). One detective remarks: "Be thankful that creep didn’t turn “his talents” to writing porn!" (this film would have been very different indeed) The killer is taken to a police interrogation room.

His last appearance shows him talking to his reflection in the room's mirror, his reflected self being played by the (noticeably more handsome) actor playing the (fantasized) writer in the second circle, with the actors following each other's gestures in the mirror.

...But this is not the end of the ever-widening circles. After the closing credits, cut to ("Fourth Circle"): two spectators leave a cinema, commenting on the film they have just watched -which is of course this very movie. This allows for criticism of the story so far ...and replies from the film's makers defending their intentions. (Carrying on with the meta-idea of how performers, creators and audience are in cahoots / dependent on each other).

Remarks. One can easily grasp the potential for development.

About fiction, wishful thinking, fantasy, the viewer-and-entertainer pressure chain, the artist's comforting -and secretly encouraged- licence to engage in irresponsible / unaccountable creations, diversionary tactics…

Why do we crave violent entertainment? For escapism. But what if such fantasies turned out to be true? And what if -in the other direction- true crimes turned out to be fodder for art (in this case, exploitative novels)? Influences / echoes: "Identity", "Psycho", "Seven", "le Magnifique", "In The Mouth Of Madness"...

Working title: "Fade To Black". Copyright Loig 7 Allix Thivend 2005, Dublin.

"Everybody Wants To Be Somebody Else" (another idea that came to me in the middle of the night)

The hero is a dedicated "Good Samaritan", answering suicide cases' phone-calls at night.

Various examples (from genuine experiences), for ex. conversation with a bullied aspiring porn actress who wants to get respect through that choice of career and has gone back home to her rough neighbourhood to challenge her tormentors (true story but can’t remember who about, twenty years later!). (Maybe the volunteer knows her and buys her videos? This will be hinted at later in the film, when he is shown looking her up on the Net)

He has a regular caller, who only wants to talk to him. He refuses to meet him face-to-face (as is the case with genuine Samaritans guidelines). Then, one day, the "hero" reads about a suicide risk caller who killed himself after a unnerving brief conversation with him the night before ("I don't wanna do it... but they are forcing me, they’re forcing me to..."). Gets convinced / suspects that it's murder, against his colleagues' reassurances. (Which may be his way of justifying / reassuring himself of his own worth since he wasn't much help on that occasion). He is given a few days off by his superior (a mother figure), to take his mind off the job.

In his spiritual / healing quest, the protagonist talks to a jovial priest who turns out to be very relaxed with rules (and tells him "Everybody Wants To Be Somebody Else"). As he takes stock and observes what's going on all around (as opposed to the usual rat race where no-one has any time for anything), he reflects on fame; megalomaniacs (there is an election campaign taking place in the background, with a Berlusconi / Tapie / Archer character: true details of genuine dirty campaigns to be inserted here); attractiveness (the story takes place in an undistinguished town)… Still, looking at the beauty salon across the street (+ women magazines advertising everywhere), he admits to himself that beauty has a part to play: is an important contribution to self-respect.

He wonders: where should he draw the line? Should one take one's job to heart, or shouldn’t we be able to switch off (examples provided by a doctor, a policeman, a psychiatrist, a bouncer…). Dichotomy between his humble official daytime job and his voluntary service at night. Lack of recognition; volunteers work in the dark, don't give their real name over the phone, etc. (genuine details needed here). His personal life is, of course, a shambles (cf. other nurse character who smokes and drinks, stressed-out teacher who puts on a brave face during the day... and calls him at night); lives on his own (in this modern, atomised society of ours where familial models no longer apply); infatuated with neighbour over the road: they exchange glances, in the afternoon, from their opposite windows. (Possibility of him becoming, at some stage in the future, a suicide case himself...?) Possible "flash-back" to how he started. Possible character: brother who went in a totally different direction, with the resulting situation being that the protagonist contents himself with being a doting uncle.

About communication: one way (advertising) / two-way (dialogue with priest; "religare" = to link) / boasting ("matamore" politician) / helping / asking (for help; he won't)... All variations offered.

End of film: he accepts that his caller did kill himself, and learns to "take it in his stride" as advised. Goes back to his post, where his regular caller awaits him. (Echo of "Pushing Tin" "Une Semaine de vacances" "Chacun cherche son chat")

The murder plot: just a "McGuffin" to stir up potential interest in a less "exciting" subject. Life is not entirely composed of thrilling stories and wild sex: let us celebrate the humble facilitators, those who work behind the scene to maintain the social infrastructure (school staff, administration, cooks, waiters, cleaners, midwives, grand-parents, go-betweens of all sorts...).

The usual topics: involvement, altruism, obsession, double lives, alternative bonds in an atomised, impersonal society... Soundtrack: the Flaming Lips "Everyone Wants To Live Forever"; Teenage Fan Club "Alcoholiday".

“If Looks Could Kill” or “Murder Of Beauty” (early, partial version)

(...) Sequence segues into the main story’s proper start: a dozen models are taken to a video / photo-shoot in a paradise Third World island. They disembark; are driven to a luxury resort owned by the rich magazine editor, a famous recluse who welcomes them to his ranch. He is a libidinous old and ugly man, who has chosen to spend his time under the sun, surrounded with nubile third world girls, spending his time watching cable TV. (...)

A group of impoverished natives live on the other side of the island, in a ratty fishing community. (...) Then the producer disappears. (...) and so they manage the start of the shoot on their own without his interfering, "hands-on" instructions... Eye-candy scene ensues.

Various details on the models' secret bizarre beauty treatments (...) as they set about their task. (...) One girl (B) discovers the body of another model (A), a beautiful girl who was the clear favourite in the casting competition (...).The rest of the candidates pretend nothing has happened, and don't want to discuss this barely credible series of fatal accidents which now clearly suggests a murderous plan. (...) The rest of the girls are careful to keep their mouth shut lest they should attract the “hunter"'s attention and, for a while, no more murder occurs.

They grasp the alarming principle that goes against their raison d’être: each girl selected to become the new main focus of the video-shoot gets targeted as a consequence. One of them, in a moment of realisation and panic, shears off her glorious hair, shaves her eyebrows, covers herself up in an attempt to deflect attention. Crucially though, she doesn't inflict any permanent damage upon herself.

(...) The remaining group barricade themselves inside the mansion. (...) They decide to spend the rest of the night together so as to keep an eye on each other. (...) The only survivor tries to catch the attention of the helicopter that will take her back to civilisation. (...)

They explain. Obsessed and disgusted by this “beauty imperative”, the natives (whose island visiting film crews regularly trash) have decided to make a terrible stand and hit the Westerners where they hurt.  (...) Everything must return to its original natural state they tell her, the symbol of cultural oppression must be erased. They offer her the ability to end it all and incinerate the mansion symbolically. (...) She grabs the fire-thrower and turns it in the camera direction... (open ending). The End.

White screen, possible soundtrack : Depeche Mode "Blasphemous Rumours". Copyright Loig Thivend 2001.

Remarks. About beauty at its most celebrated and exposed. In contrast, the least noticeable, the most protected. Beauty is the most potent and unfair leveller in society, hence the non-beautiful revenge motive. The original idea had the fed-up, unattractive director being revealed as the killer taking it out on all these gorgeous girls but basic revenge plots are too obvious, too simplistic. Still, the underlying motive has to stem from long pent-up resentment. Beauty turned into a curse rather than a heavenly gift. Breton nationalists blew up a part of le Palais de Versailles to universal condemnation; the Taliban destroyed thousand year old Buddha statues, other examples of cultural desecration in the name of a political / religious cause abound.(...) Update PS: have just read (the excellent) “Worst. Person. Ever.” By Douglas Coupland (2015)

Logline.  A group of gorgeous models on a photo-shoot in a paradise island get killed by rank of beauty. Thought-provoking confrontation between beauty and pain; political allegory on discrimination and colonialism.